January 2010
36 posts
Thoughts.
Today, i have had like a million and one things on my mind. I dont know why i keep thinking about things and i dont know why i feel like im trapped in my own head.
There are serious thoughts to thoughts that have no point but they just keep swirling round and round my head. Incidents keep replaying in my head and i keep looking at the situation and seeing how everything could have turned out...
We Are Not The Same.
Im sorry to break it to u, but we are not the same and i dont think we ever will be. I dont think i was ever strong enough to just move away. The way u used to enter my life with the biggest smile on ur face and then before i knew it i was crying again, u always left at that point.
Yet, when things got tough for u i stood by u and tried to help. I stood by u when u made a fool out of me and also...
Brother.
When we were younger, like when i was 5 and u where just born, i never wanted anyone to come near u. I never wanted anyone to hold u and i never wanted anyone to talk to u. You were my present from mum and dad, the only one that would last a lifetime, other than the life they had already given me. The only other present that they would be able to give to me without spending a penny. So, when...
Time To Get Up.
Its time to get up. Time to start all over again. Time for me to have my first stretch of the morning and then be on my way. Time for me to make things right that i may have got wrong the day before. Time to rush about and panic but try to make myself that ive not made too much of an effort so that people dont think im trying to impress anyone.
Its time for new things to be experienced even if it...
Difficulties.
Meeting the people that i did today, i have learned one of lifes key lessons. Everyone has difficulties. Some more apparent than others but everybody has them.
Some people are blessed with difficulties that arent at first glance. Others are more in ur face and people are presented with them as soon as they meet. So, who is more “unlucky”.
I used to think it would be the pepole whos...
No Use.
I guess there is no point in trying to change someones mind. I guess there is no use in telling them how great they are when they dont think so theirself. I guess there is no use in trying to highlight everything that they have achieved when they dont want to know.
So, why do i still keep tryin?
Why can i not accept the fact that they will never see theirself the way that other people do? Why do...
“Anything you dream is fiction, and anything you accomplish is science, the whole...”
– Ray Bradbury (via booklover)
KFC.
I love how everybody thinks im stupid because i work there. The customers snigger and think i cant understand what they are saying to me. They ask me if i wish i had stayed on at school and i politely reply “oh, im still there just been accepted at uni in actual fact” to which they look embarrassed and dont know what to say.
I love the fact that no matter how bad the shift has been...
Clasp.
Im sitting here looking at the same clasp i use to do my hair every single day. It doesnt have much significance to my life, or so i thought. When i forget to take it to other peoples houses i often find that my hair doesnt sit right. It doesnt feel right. As if it doesnt belong, of course i know its my hair and i know that its me just me being stupid and moany. The clasp is a bit old now and its...
on weapons
boy: I got a swiss army knife.
girl: I have mascara.
boy: that could do some damage.
Alcohol.
I havent made up my mind if its a good thing or a bad thing.
At this age i think its a thing that makes us feel like were rebelling against something so perhaps it gives us more of a thrill. However now that mums and dads are not bothered about what we consume are we just doing it because we have stories to tell the next day? Does it make us fit in with the popular people? Or is it just because...
“It’s often just enough to be with someone. I don’t need to touch...”
– MarylinMonroe.
Positivity.
I have known her most of my life. Some of it i didnt realise. I dont know if i spoke to her i dont know if i ever caught glimpse of her cheeky grin. In the last 6 years we have grown into more than friends i consider her more of a sister.
Every time i see her i can tell what sort of mood she is in before she opens her mouth. She cant hide her emotions however hard she tries. She is probably the...
Not sure.
Does someone ever tell u something and u are not sure how to react?
Dont know what to say or what to think?
U know it could effect their life majorly depending on what the outcome was. U dont know whether or not to shout at them or to just sit back and think how they must be feelin?
I chose the second option. Before i opened my mouth (or used my fingers to type) I thought about everything that...
Words.
All we have in the english language is words and the pattern in the way that we use words.
So if there is not any significance behind the logic how come words can either make or break ur day?
If it wasnt for words how would we communicate? How would we express what we wanted to say? I guess the only thing i can think and relate it to, is people who are deaf. Some have never heard a word in...
HappyBrithday.
You are no longer with us, yet u are still so young. Today would have been ur 19th birthday. I never knew u. I now do. I remember the day i found out u were gone. I remember the hurt and saddness that that day fulfilled. I remember the change in my friend and her mum. I still see the change in her mum. I know the heartache they go through, every single day when u’re not there to greet them...
Utopia.
The idea of perfection. The place where anything could happen. The place that some people actually live.
Some call it a fantasy land. Personaly, i think its a way to escape. Living in reality all the time is hard going. I think that’s why celebrities are as big as they are.
The latest craze “Twilight” is based on Utopia. Two parallel worlds cannot cross. Hoever, Stephanie...
Silence.
I used to hate silence. I used to think it made everything awkward and i always wanted to break it. Until recently.
The silence that i have been surrounded in helps. Reflecting and looking at ways to improve myself and situations are made easier with the silence. It keeps my brain from wandering to the telly or to the people who are chattering beside me. I sometimes find myself sitting and...
Through the looking glass.
When u look in the mirror what do u see? Do u see the same as what everybody else does? Or can u ever?
Everybody sees u in a different light. My mum and dad see me as a girl who is losing too much weight and are frightend that its going to become an issue again. They also see the most beautiful girl in the world, slighty biased but thats parents for u. My best friend thinks im losing too much...
How odd.
I was on my way to town with my friend Ross and we were talking about a girl who i used to go to school with. I havent seen her since the last time she came in for a visit which was many months ago now. So just as we were leaving who did i bump into? You guessed it. The girl we were talking about. It was such a pleasant surprise. It was so good to see her happy smiley face again and see that she...
Do u ever?
Do u ever just want one person in the whole entire world to be thinking or talking about u? Even if its bad u wouldnt care because u just want them to think about u. U just want to have some sort of impact in their life. I never really understood the song “love me or hate me” but thinking about it i can totally relate to it. I want him to think about me! i do things to annoy him so...
Giving up.
I think its time that i move on. I think what we had should come to an end. Its clear that u’re not interested anymore. She told me u would block me out evetually but i didnt wanna listen. I wanted u to prove to me that everytime u said u loved me u meant it. I know she was ur first love and i know u were hers. She is one of my best friends i dont think i can do this any more. The way she...
“To be human is to be moral and u can never take a day off”
– Mr Watts
Baby.
There are some things that happen in life that have no explination. Like the person u fall in love with, there is no other reason for that apart from he’s the one. No matter what they may do to u, people chose to stand by the one they love even if they are horrible to them and living in terrible circumstances. People may think they are crazy but who are they to judge? There are also things a...
The First Time.
The first time u ever do something u are always scared. From learning how to ride a bike to learning how to drive a car. U don’t know what the outcome will be. Riding a bike without ur stabelisers for the first time is like a milestone in ur life. Ur family are so proud of u and usually have a million and one pictures of the moment that happened. While on ur bike u’re a bit wobbly....
Love.
There are many different types of love. There is love for your mum dad and family. There is love for ur friends. There is love for ur kids and there is the love that u just really like doing things. There is also the love for ur partner. Seeing as i am single and have never been in a relationship i have never experienced the last one, hopefully i feel it one day. I haven’t had kids either...
Losing Touch.
I have finally found the worst thing in life. Physically and metaphorically. Last night I was workin in tempratures of -11 inside and worse outside. Not being able to feel anything scared me. I knew my hands were still there but not being able to function them was odd. This made me think about my life. I have lost touch with quite a few friends recently for different reasons. Some are because...
My Framily
This is my framily <3. From L-R we have ColinTurner, Me, HannahMcQuade, KirstyMilligan & RossRichmond.
ColinTurner Me and Colin have a love hate relationship. We have our moments when we both wanna kill each other but I think that’s because we are so similliar. Colin is my husband and he has been now for over 5 years. We are very happily married. Colin likes to think he’s the...
Growing apart.
I used to like when u phoned me a hundred times a day. Now im happy when i answer the phone and its not u. I still like u i still think of u as one of my best friends but im a bit fed up. Im fed up of the lies u tell. The things u say well do but we never. The things u do to people and i feel the need to apologise. The person u make me become. I also don’t like the face people dislike me...
Ok.
So now that I’m here. I guess it’s safe to say. Today was my day. I woke up at 7 after going to bed at 2 and didn’t feel tired. I walked to school with my brother in the snow and I never really knew how funny he was. I’m surprised I made it school with oxygen because I was laughing so much. I went to maths even though I was scared because I never did the homework and she...
Happiness
Ok, so my blogs haven’t been too cheery and smiley to begin with, which is odd. I am a happy person. I guess I’m just going through the January Blues. So, I was reading my blogs and I was thinking…”who is this writing this?” why are you making your life sound so miserable and dark? I can’t answer that question. They’re pretty deep. Some have personal...
One Day.
One day I’ll wake up and burst out laughing. One day I’ll look at you and wonder why? One day I’ll open the curtains and there will be sun. One day I’ll think of you and smile. One day I’ll have a baby and a family I can call my own. But until then I’ll try a little harder with everything I do. I’ll try to be independant and not want you to notice me....
Sorry
In the dictionary there are six definitions of the word sorry. From feeling sympathetic towards someone/something to regretting something that you have done to someone. Throughout the day I think I use this word the most often. I feel the need to apologise for things that maybe I haven’t done but need to just take the blame. I do it more to a person who tells me that I’m paranoid. I...
“Imagine every day to be the last of a life surrounded with hopes, cares, anger,...”
– Horace
2010.
So this is the start of not only a new year but a new decade. This year is going to be one of the biggest years of my life. I’m pretty scared. I’m leaving school. Hopefully going to Universtiy. Able to drive. Going on my first big holiday without mum and dad. Pretty much becoming an adult. So where do I start? Can I still go back to mum and dad when things go wrong? Is it ok to tell...